Thursday, September 20, 2012

Sultan Morsi the First

Sultan Morsi I

Hear Ye… Hear Ye…
By decree of his royal Sultan-ness, Morsi the First, Egypt has been declared a no-man’s land. Strike that. Egypt has been declared a no-woman’s land– and a bigot’s haven. Egypt under Morsi’ s reign is tumbling back into the dark ages and Egyptians are about to witness, first-hand, the innumerable pleasures of living and thriving under extremist, fascist, totalitarian rulers.

We have been offered a glimpse of the coming attractions of the years to follow. Between releasing convicted terrorists with innocent blood on their hands and hopping around Cairo giving religious sermons and address the nation exclusively from a mosque, Mr. President has really shown where his allegiances lie.

Actually, he has shown us more than that in his mere 82 days in power. He has shown us that an Egyptian president, no the only Egyptian president who has been “democratically” elected, can declare himself Sultan with little to no consequences at all. Not even one teeny tiny demonstration or reminder that the “revolution goes on.”

When did he declare himself Sultan? Oh, you missed it? I’m not surprised.
It was cleverly done and stealthily executed. Indeed, the work of a master mind (perhaps the “Architect”?) Morsi has declared himself beyond reproach. He is, after all, the Muslim scholar leading the Umma in prayer.

His royal Sultan-ness doesn’t tolerate jokes. He will send you straight to jail–or to Hell if that can be helped–for them.

He wants his subjects serious and worthy of his infinite wisdom and his invincible cunning.

You gotta give the guy a break though, he is traumatized by the amount of ridicule he was subjected to during his presidential race: his nickname was “Morsi El- Istebin” which literally translates to “Morsi the Spare Tire” but is meant as “Morsi the Second Best,” referring to his status as being El-Shater’ s (the Architect) replacement.  El-Shater is the Muslim Brotherhood’s main man, but his criminal record and a delayed pardon stood between him and the presidential. The Egyptian people had a few laughs at this, but still elected Morsi anyway.

But now, nobody’s laughing. Demonstrations have been outlawed and Egyptians continue to be oppressed and imprisoned for their beliefs. There are whispers in the streets that child marriage will be legalized, that the already-oppressed minorities will be no longer welcome, that the marginalized will be further pushed into destitute by his royal Sultan-ness’ capitalist plans.

The trouble is that his royal Sultan-ness is just getting warmed up…